2014

Taking stock of the year that has passed often brings about a sense of dread in me.

What have I achieved in the past year? Oh, nothing much. Same old, same old. Not much of a "career" in the traditional sense. Sure, I've had a kid. Sure, I've had two. Sure, I'm about to celebrate 10 years of marriage in a few months. But other than that? Ho-hum. Nothing much. It's hot today isn't it?

Except, why do I keenly feel the need to identify myself within the confines of a career?

I guess I've always thought I'd be a bit of an achiever when it came to work. (At the very least, I thought I'd be earning more!) And it's a battle I fight each year, when December 31 comes around.

With the drama and adventure of 2013, you'd think I'd have learnt my lesson on what deems as important!

So I guess I really should take stock and refocus on my real achievements hey?

• I've had a kid! He's turned 7! And he's smart and won't stop talking!
• I've had another kid! He's just turned 4 months! And he's smart and won't stop coo-ing!
• Hubby and I have a strong marriage (which I gather, by the rate of relationships dissolving in 2014, is quite a feat).
• I spent the last year in a job I truly enjoyed, and made new friends, some who remain very close.
• I spent Christmas in Brisbane with close friends and got to ride the roller-coasters at the theme parks - trust me, this was a huge Win for me LOL.
• Got to make new friends through Social Media, especially Instagram.

So! What do I look forward to for 2015?

• Baby hitting new milestones
• Celebrating 10 years of marriage
• Deepening meaningful relationships
• Possibly returning back to work. Possibly.
• Trying out new cake designs and recipes and hopefully revamp the cake website.
• Opening a new cafe with hubby and friends.
• Flying back to Singapore to visit family.
• Perhaps taking a holiday to a new destination - maybe Japan? Or Europe again (I wish!!)

In the meantime, this being a BABY blog, and since I've just had another BABY,  here're some pictures to drool over (literally, there's saliva everywhere right now!)

Soooo tiny 

Guess which one is Aidan and which is Adam?!

Aidan celebrating his 7th birthday at school 

Made a Minecraft cake

My lovely kikki. K family 

#squishycheeks

Family shot on my birthday 

More piccies to come!

See you on the other side

Tomorrow everything will change.

Tomorrow, everything will be different.

Because, tomorrow, bubba arrives!!

I was given the option to induce labour by the doctors at my 37-week checkup, due to my history of preterm labour and the minor bleed I had at 27 weeks. After much deliberation, research and weighing out the risks versus benefits, Ege and I decided to go ahead and induce labour tomorrow when I am 39 weeks. So right now I'm feeling terribly excited and terribly nervous and terribly terribly BIG.

Aidan has his moments of excitement about the baby, when he talks to my belly. Just the other day we were pointing out one of the benefits of having a younger brother was that he could eventually fetch stuff for him, like some water LOL. "Nah," Aidan said, "I'll treat him right." I was impressed!

But lately I sense his nervousness. He confessed the other day that he felt we would ignore him because of the baby, and he's a little upset we're not going ahead with the name he's keen on (he'd recently changed his preference to Brent, after the winner of Master Chef 2014.) I know it'll be a big adjustment for him, as he's been an only child for close to 7 years; I just hope the transition for him wouldn't be too hard and he'll adapt, in his own way, eventually. One of the reasons we're having a big splash for his birthday this year is so he won't feel like his special day has been overshadowed by his brother's arrival.

Anyhoos, here's a selfie taken about 6 weeks ago:

Me at 32 weeks

The baby's grown a lot since then!!

Added to the prep we need to make in order to herald bubba's arrival, are also the food I need to cook and freeze, and the tonic soups I'll have to get Ege to make for my "confinement" period, where I would need to "tonify" my body post-birth. My mum was meant to arrive on Monday, however the poor dear was stung by a mozzie and came down with dengue fever! She's recovering well now... but still needs lots of rest and is easily fatigued, so we'd rather her recover fully before making the trip over. Thankfully our dear friends across the road (Ivy and Steve FTW!) have offered to cook for us, and help us out, at least until my in-laws arrive on the 23rd.

My really dumb autocorrect fail LOL.

Whenever I mention to anyone about my mum & how she's had dengue, 

people smile and try to hold back a laugh rather than make sympathetic noises

The Sunday past was interesting. I had the opportunity to share our journey and our story of what happened with the twins at church. The days leading up to it were definitely emotional and hard, as I had to confront and re-visit a lot of my residual feelings, which were also conflated with my nervousness about the current pregnancy, and my fears at the process of labour and childbirth. But it was strangely free-ing and cathartic and therapeutic for me, being up on stage and sharing the pain, but also the hopes and prayers we as a family were holding.

Having it all out in the open meant that everyone knew my version of the story, rather than the bits and pieces that they would have gathered from shadowed whispers. Very rarely would someone have asked about details as they would have been too polite to dredge up the experience, for fear of making me uncomfortable or upset.

But now that we are all on the same page, I feel like I can move on. It was like the windows opened and a breath of fresh air flowed in. Cleansing. Healing. Allowing me space to find trust in God again.

And now I feel that I, We, all of us, can re-focus on the future and the excitement that new Life will bring.

See you on the other side!!

Total Drama Action

Well, so much has happened in the last 6 months I'm not sure where to start!!

For starters, I'd started a new role (promotion I guess?) at my job at kikki. K so I'm currently co-managing the store with another girl.

But that will all change in a few months (12 weeks to be exact) because that when... badumbam! The baby's due.

YES! It's been a rollercoaster ride of 28 weeks but Soh far Soh good (hur hur couldn't resist.) I was put into the pre-term labour clinic for most of the last 6 months because of my history with the twins, but they did a test on my a few weeks ago so I've "graduated" into the regular clinics now, phew!

Except for the scare over the weekend.

I woke up and was getting ready to go out (for a much-anticipated reunion brunch with the Fruitful & Multiply girls I might add!) when I noticed some spotting/bleeding after going to the toilet. I got a little anxious, but called W, who was my ride to the brunch, and she took me straight to the hospital, with Aidan in tow. Ege was working that morning.

I could help freaking out at the hospital's emergency ward. Everything felt like deja vu. Like I was going through the same motions as I did with the twins. It had started with something innocuous, and I had fully expected to go home in a few hours, only to be told that I was dilated and quite likely would go into preterm labour, and the twins wouldn't survive being born at 20 weeks.

So this time round, being wheeled into the birth suite next to the one where I had the twins, I was, pardon my French, shit-scared.

The midwife strapped a device that monitored the baby's heartbeat onto me, and bubs seemed ok and kicking around. But that's what happened with the twins too. They were fully healthy, even when born.

After 4 hours, the doctor finally came to check on me. I'd just been to the toilet again, and there was still blood, and this time round I really felt fear overtake me. I felt a sense of hopelessness and anxiety, and couldn't stop crying. I couldn't cope! I couldn't pray! (And I'm usually pretty calm under this sort of immense pressure - heck, I cracked jokes at the twins' funeral!)

Ege had to grab hold of me and calm me down. The doctor finally came. She and the midwife checked me and couldn't find the source of the bleed, but more importantly, the cervix was closed. CLOSED. NOT DILATED. Which meant that I wasn't going into labour or anything. Thank God, what a relief!!!

To be safe, they kept me at the hospital for a couple of days for observation, just in case. Which I guess is what I needed, to rest. It almost felt like a staycation, watching telly and having meals brought to me! Made a new friend in my room mate too.

All that drama...plus Ege left for Singapore last night! (Although he shortened his trip, so now it's just a week not two!) And back to work today.

But of course, now that bubs is ok, the other one naturally acts up! He was caught (or rather, dobbed in) for kicking a fellow student's butt at the school playground, while another pupil was sitting on the poor kid! One week's yard duty, PLUS he wasn't allowed any screen time both yesterday and today. I know he didn't mean to be a bully, he just joined in with a bunch of other kids thinking it was fun and games, but we needed him to understand the seriousness of it all. He took the punishments well - until I reminded him that no screen time also meant no Masterchef. That's when he started crying LOL!!

The irony was, today at the Maccas playground, he got a little taste of his own medicine! I looked up from reading my papers to see him crying and coming towards me. Turns out 2 other kids in the playground started punching him for no apparent reason. I looked - one looked like he was 5, the other just 3! He didn't retaliate by hitting back at the younger kids, and there was no bruising, but he did have a shock and a fright. And the kids' grandmas made them apologise to him.

The bully had become the bullied.

We still went ahead after that to tennis lessons though, even though he wanted to go home, but I insisted on going, and true enough, he had enough fun to distract him from what had happened earlier. Back to his normal cheerful self. Poor kid!!

Lesson learnt.