Thinking thoughts

Just some quiet reflections.

I made a new friend recently, my Tupperware manager actually, E (yes, I've recently joined Tupperware; for Tupperholics, my AP was on 2/8/09, and 1st demo this Sat after Sessions!), and our long car rides to Demos and Sales meetings have given us an avenue to talk, and swap stories.

E's such an amazingly wonderful person, very open about her life and what's she's battled with, and I'm just so impressed with her positivity in spite of everything. It really feels like God's had a hand in bringing us together, for such a time as this.

Tonight we talked about lots of things, our family as usual, and based on her own experience post-birth, it made me wonder if all the feelings and anxieties I had with my newborn could've been classified as post-natal depression.

Now labeling anyone with the big D-word is pretty scary, although during the 1st year of Aidan's life I did check out a few websites to see if I exhibited signs. While I ticked a few boxes, it wasn't quite enough to label me with PND. I guess there's a spectrum.

I think my feelings mostly tied in with a sense of a loss of control. I think I was angry most of the time. Not angry enough to yell or scream or throw a plate, but I often felt stressed, anxious, tired, and got the sense I was well in over my head. Which resulted in me snapping at everyone, all the time.

So maybe it wasn't just the baby blues, maybe it was more than that. I guess I'll never know. I'm hoping I'll be more aware when the next one comes along.

In the meantime, I've learnt a bit more about myself in the last week, why a lack of control over situations tend to tip me over the edge (esp. nearing my period...hmmm...hormones do play a part!) and what amazing AMAZING girlfriends I have. And a gracious husband. And a merciful God.

Here's to tomorrow!