Back to school

These past few days since returning home from SG has been a busy whirlwind.

Aidan's started in the 3 y.o. room at his regular childcare on Tuesday, but because it was just 2 days since returning I only had him in there for 3 hours, 1 of which I spent playing with him to acclimatise. But when I said I'll be back right after he's had lunch and dessert, he smiled and said, "Ok, you can go now... bye!"

And just yesterday, he started on 3 y.o. kinder at Maribyrnong Kinder with new teachers, new environment, new friends. He ran right in and starting playing with the new toys...he typed typed typed on the computer at the "office area" as he's seen me and EG do countless times and said he was sending "an emu". Then he picked up the phone and dialed Sai Yee's special number, and said "I'm calling Sai Yee now!" I sms-ed Tessa, and she quickly rang so she could speak to him and pretend he'd rung her. How cute.

However, when it was time for me to go...He DID NOT like it! At first he said I could go, but silly me I lingered in the waiting area, he wandered past and started clinging in when he realised I was really going.

It was HORRIBLE, the pains of leaving him behind again...I carried him back to the room and the teacher had to pry him off me finger by finger, and as the door shut and I walked towards my car I could hear him running back to the door with a thump and shouting "Mama!!!! Mama!!!"

OMG. It was a terrible feeling.


But when I came to pick him up he was happy playing agian. Phew!

Added to these new changes, I had two orders for this Thursday and Friday - 50 teal-coloured mini cupcakes, and a birthday red velvet cake enough to feed 60 people. It's been great getting right back into baking, and though it took me forever to get the right shade of teal (I had to refer to Wikipedia a few times), they turned out great. Well, at least the mini-cupcakes did, jury's still out on the red velvet cake! More baking tomorrow!

It doesn't get any easier

The last month or so spent with family in Singapore, and on our MEGA trip to Hong Kong and Guangzhou has been A-MAZE-ING. (I really should have a separate post for that...once I get the pics up!)

I'm loving how much A loves spending time with his cousins, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles. He really thrives on the attention and love, and he's getting a little spoilt. I think today has been the 1st day in a long while when he's actually bothered to feed himself, thanks to the yummy food at a friend's house we had (his new fav. - chicken rice!)

Sadly, this time next Sat, we'll be taking the plane back to Melbourne...

SIGH. I always get to this point at this time of the year...after all the festivities and fun from a holiday in Singapore, and I'm loathed to return to Melbourne.

It's not so much the place, Singapore, but the people. I think if I were to work here, it'd be pretty hard, which accounts for the brain-drain to Perth and Melbourne.

But I'll miss my sis, my parents, my in-laws, friends, Aidan's cousins... SNIFF!

AND IT'S BEEN THIS WAY FOR THE LAST DECADE!

Geez. You'd think after 10 years I'd feel a bit more rooted in Melbourne. But this sense of displacement always hits me. We stayed because of community, of Life and support...but slowly that's evolving, changing, as friendships drift and change and the ties that bind become weaker. You've more in common (kids, families, schools) and yet, less (how you raise them, what your family looks like, what school you can afford).

The divide seems to get bigger and bigger.

I guess maybe in SG our friends and us are pretty much all on the same page. But in Melbourne, the class difference really seems a little bit more stark.

And the stuff we have in common become less, and we have less to talk about.

The common Faith Hope and Love seem so...intangible. Ephemeral.

I feel torn I guess. Love is in Singapore. Yet opportunities seem more readily available in Melbourne.


And I do often feel alone in the (our) crowd. Yet who's to say I wouldn't feel this way if we move back to SG?

There's lots to look forward to this year - Aidan's growth, new routines, new things to learn, a possible bakeshop. I just hope I don't stuff it up!

Creator. My future and destiny is in your hands.

Big fat sigh

Today has been one of those days when I want to remind all my friends without kids about birth control.

Heather Armstrong

dooce.com

Today was a beautiful day. 22 degree weather, sunshine and a breeze.

We had a great morning with Milo cereal brekkie, played with our Bop It! (and scored 22 points together - teamwork!), then read about construction machines and Thomas the Tank Engine.

Aidan can read/recognise a few words other than his name now. Like THE and AND. Whenever we read books together I make an effort to point the words out and pause so he can fill in the blanks, and he's always excited when it's his turn to read THE or AND.

In the arvo we visited EG at the cafe and caught up with friends of my parents and their daughter who's planning to study here. Then visited TWO libraries and even squeezed in 20 mins at the Boathouse playground. Phew! So many activities!

By the time I got home I was ready to crash, and was thankful we had enough leftovers to constitute dinner. But I decided to get a head start on a cake I needed to make for a party this weekend. 

And that's when the s**t hit the wall. LITERALLY.

Since the last time I made the cake for another party it didn't rise as much as I thought it would, I increased the amount. It filled the tin just right. And I assumed it would rise a little bit, but not by much.

20 minutes later it looked like a sludgy Jabba the Hut.

I freaked out! Then calmed down, removed the oven's base plate (because the chocolate batter had oozed out and dripped down onto it), popped the cake tin onto a baking tray (which I should have done so in the first place, duh), and shut the oven door. And since the oven temperature dropped I adjusted the timing.

But it just kept oozing and oozing! Molten lava from a chocolate volcano. My hopes of salvaging the cake melted like the village of Pompeii. ARGH.

I turned to bring Aidan up for his bath, and the sweet bunny had finished his dinner and was bringing his empty bowl to the kitchen...dropping a million grains of rice along the way, as well as around his table. But he gets a gold star for the effort!

Back to the oven to stop the batter from oozing over the side of the baking tray and onto the exposed oven base. Too late! ARGH!

This is what it looked like, fully cooked. 

Jabba the Hut cake monster...nomnomnom I wanna eatchooo....

I'll see what I can fix tomorrow...sigh!

Back to Aidan...who had gone upstairs all on his own to poo! Good job!

I decided to take the vacuum out to clean up the rice mess he'd left behind, and as I was vacuuming the kitchen, I inadvertently sucked up the floor rag. ARGH. Which means to retrieve it, I'd have to dig around in the vacuum bag, pull it out covered in God knows what's already in the vac, and have it washed so I could use it again.

10 minutes later... Not so good job; he was standing outside with his underwear pulled up over his t-shirt, POO was smeared on the walls, his toothbrush cup (what the?) was hanging off the toilet paper holder.

DOUBLE TRIPLE ARGH!

Here's my theory. He'd finished his business, somehow got poo on his fingers and tried to climb up to the window sill where the toilet paper was sitting (EG'd put it there 'coz he keeps unravelling it while sitting on the dunny). He realised the mess he'd made, then dashed to grab water in his toothbrush cup to clean the mess up. Sigh...

This is what the poo mess looked like:

Just kidding!

Off to the bathroom. No recriminations. But no bedtime story either.

Patty cake patty cake

The last month, and week in particular has been a flurry of baking!

Just this past week alone, I made:

Fondant cars
Fondant holly...and each berry on the holly I might add!
CHOCOLATES! (of which I'm still slowly savouring*)
Cupcakes
More cupcakes
A huge 1st birthday cake for Zachariah

* haha that's a bad pun 'coz I made them at Savour Patisserie

But no rest for the weary...more baking coming up: Iced gingerbread Christmas ornaments to give away! And maybe some banana bread loaves for the neighbours...

Another year into the new decade

Soh!

I have officially pluralised my entry into my new decade. It's the thirtiesss now. Sigh!

But so much joy and accomplishment!

Thanks family. Love you all heaps.

 

PS. Aidan's birthday gift to me: First-time obedience. I say it, you DO IT NOW! ;p

Sweet nothings

I'm more and more in love with Aidan each day.

It's taken me 3 years, but I think I've finally come to a point where I really do really LOVE being a mum.

First I was afraid. Then I resented it. Then I became angry, and regretful for what I felt I was missing out - a career, accolades, being productive.

At the beginning of this year, I made peace with it. I told God, I'm ok with waiting...

At the end of this year, I'm actually happy.

There are frustrating days of course. Many many ones, like last Wednesday when he decided poo is a great substitute for crayons and proceeded to decorate my walls.

But there are also days that make me laugh and cherish him all the more... like when he decided poo is a great substitute for crayons and proceeded to decorate my walls.

Now, as I stumble into bed after a long day, all I really want is to curl up in a ball next to him, and hug him til we both fall asleep to the sound of his soft breathing.




NB: Just as I typed the last paragraph, my door softly creaked open and Aidan peeked in! It's 10.45pm!!
"I'm not sleepy mum.
"What are you doing here bubs?"
He climbed into bed next to me, lay down on my chest and said, "But I want to sleep with you mum."
Bliss!!

Tell me what you think

I've been seriously getting stuck into all 4 seasons of Mad Men, and the beauty they present. Fabulous clothes, fabulous life.


Just read this article this morning.

It is her boredom and resentment that makes her appear cold, the adjective used for Betty perhaps more than any other. There is no doubt she is a cold character, but the apparent irksomeness of that trait to a modern audience is interesting. Perhaps we still struggle to come to terms with the idea of a mother whose heart isn't really in it; who, although she may love her children in the broad sense, resents the limitations the role thrusts on her and finds it all … well, tedious.

In the last three years I've had to struggle with the dual role of wife and mother. And while I relish the playtime Aidan and I have together, last year, 2009, was a constant battleground to find meaning and purpose in what I do. Quiet domesticity revolving around my child just didn't suit. I resented the confines of my four walls, quietly raging in the cage of my being.

I confess, I am not the perfect mother. (Not that anyone expects that of me! Haha...)

I'm hardly calm under pressure, and a 3 y.o.'s antics can often drive me up the wall.

I resonate with Betty's "Go watch TV. Go upstairs and play, get out of my way, I'm BUSY!" mentality.

I can, however, say my heart IS in it, because there is genuine warmth and affection. But it really wasn't until late last year when I found purposeful work that I felt whole, fulfilled.

I can imagine why Sylvia Plath stuffed her head into the oven (no disrespect) if all she could fathom was the endless tedium of cleaning, washing, caring, being responsible. Betty has the luxury of domestic help, but is still bored.

Living without purpose, how boring! The endless routine of self-indulgence then guilt and loathing.

The irony is, while Plath and Draper were stuck because of their lack of choice, I felt stuck because of my plethora of choices.

Should I work or stay home? If I worked, will I do my child a disservice? Yet if I didn't, would my internal frisson boil over and burn him as a result? How about I do both? Yet what job can I even do? Who would even hire me?

On and on it goes, the internal monologue of fear.

This year, 2010, presented a slightly different picture...I had work. I started to make friends outside of my usual circle, I found new interests in vintage fashion, continued my Italian class, started baking again. And selling them cupcakes!

While life's yet to reach perfection (and I doubt it ever will!) my struggles are different. Happier struggles, if that's possible.

The sight of an empty and clean kitchen sink brings me PROFOUND joy. I don't know why.

And onward I go...

From the mouth of babes...

He was SO adorable yesterday when I came back late from watching a film (Italian film fest underway...woohoo!).

The garage door opening and closing must have woken him up. He stood on the stairs, bleary-eyed, his hair standing, in his Babyjo pjs....I picked him up and cuddled him and returned him to his bed. Patted him awhile, then left.

And just the other day, he said to EG, "Dada, I want to talk to you."

EG: "What is it?"

"I love you Dada, because you come home to me and mama."

Such cognoscence.

All grown up

This has gotta be my favourite photo of Aidan right now. It says so much!

Thanks Michelle. It was SO lovely meeting you and can't wait to hang out again!

The gift of giving

Here's something we sent out along with Aidan's invite for his b'day party next week:

Hi Everyone!

Thanks for RSVPing to Aidan's invite, I can't believe how time flies! Our little young 'un has turned 3...wow! The last few years have been an amazing journey for us and we can't wait to celebrate it with you next Saturday!

Some of you have asked what to get Aidan, and EG and I both feel he's been blessed above and beyond with gifts already, from his grandparents and all who love him.

But what we can't give him are values, especially learning the value of giving, of selflessness. So this year, we thought it'd be a great idea to have everyone teach him that with their gifts!

This year, we're asking those of you who want to bless Aidan for his birthday (absolutely no obligation of course!) to donate to Invisible Children or to Watoto's Project Gulu.

These two charities have weighed heavily on our hearts as a family, as they seek to rehabilitate former child soldiers in Uganda. They're doing amazing work there (watch the video here) rescuing these children and providing communities, education, protection and lots more to rebuild the nation.

So we hope that while we celebrate one child's blessings here in Melbourne, we can also raise awareness and love for another child in Africa who needs it. Aidan mightn't understand it all now, but we hope that over the years as we peek back on his 3rd birthday, we can teach him the value of selflessness. He already understands that there are other children in other countries who don't have a mummy or daddy who love him as much as we do, especially when we pray for them before bed!

And if you choose to bless Aidan this way, please do sign the card on Saturday!

Looking forward to celebrating with you!


Love,
Saz, EG and Aidan

And if you feel moved to do so, join us on this effort too!

He turns 3!!

WOW!

Last year I turned the big THREE O.

Tomorrow, my boy turns THREE.

Time just really flies!

He talks so much now, and sings songs I've never heard before! (Like the one about 5 currant buns this morning...I think he learnt that at school.)

At 2 years 364 days, he loves Buzz Lightyear, his Mama and Dadda, is super expressive, and has boundless energy.

He just started his 3 y.o. swim class on Monday (which he was really afraid to because the teacher and classmates were new and I wasn't in the pool with him) but he braved it, what a champ!

And tomorrow we'll celebrate his birthday at school with his friends, and a low-key birthday dinner tomorrow night. (The par-tay's next Sat...will post more on our ideas for that soon...)

To infinity, and beyond!

He literally said, "PEW PEW PEW!!"

Sheriff Woody! 

(The costume, courtesy of Ivy, is reversible)

The nerd pirate Aidan...looks strangely familiar...

Can't wait to give you a birthday cuddle tomorrow! And because you're finally a big boy, hopefully you'll STOP COMING INTO MY ROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!

Happy belated B'day Kaofu Aaron

What a way to start the week

Aidan's been SO full of wise sayings lately...
"Mum", he said, gravely to my ear this morning, "it's time for you to get up. It's time for breakfast."

And just now, after his bath, and he PACKED UP HIS BATH TOYS ON HIS OWN:

"Thank you for bathing me mum!"

What a champ!

Then, right after his bath and getting dressed, he started running around like a rock star singing "It's Dirt Girl World...." (the theme song from a TV series), with his hands outstretched like he just struck a guitar chord. Too cute! I asked him to sing it again for me, and he did this:

Cupping my face with his two small hands, he grinned and said, I KID YOU NOT, "Oh sweetie, I can't sing it anymore."

OH MY LORDY. This makes up for earlier in the day when he weed in his pants twice and poo-ed - a gross mushy lump in his underwear, which just as I was about to dump into the loo to flush away, plopped onto the rug in the toilet (which is why he needed a bath). ARGH....

Yes. Great start to the week.

Friends

It's been a whirlwind 4 weeks as we had the Foos staying with us and Kienan being Aidan's new best bud! They look for each other each morning and play great...that is until 5 mins later when one's crying coz the other's hit him. Kidsssssssssss....

But we bid adieu to them today, *sob*!!! It's been a terrific time together, and I'm going to miss all our late night chats and snacking on cheese, tim-tams, wine, teas (altho my waistline will thank me!) The house is so quiet and lonely...only the refrain of cheering coming from EG playing Winning 11 on the XBox (only thing missing is the slap of high-fives between EG and Kev...withdrawal symptoms methinks...)

We will miss you fondly, Foos!

Their trip here has been pretty fruitful (judging by all the luggage they had to lug home!) But I reckon both little boys have learnt much from each other, like K's learnt to eat a bigger variety of foods and fruits and sleep well, and Aidan's finally getting the hang of toilet training.

YES! Toilet training! He actually knows when to go to pee when the urge strikes; I think going cold turkey (for me) and putting him in underwear helped...just a month ago he was oblivious to his wet pants and undies, but now he can actually hold his bladder and rush to the toilet!

And TODAY! A poo in the toilet when he needed to (he used to do it only when we put him on, but today he said "Mama, I need to poo!") I'm really hoping that this is the start of a brand new beginning and the end of expensive nappies (will start training earlier for the next kid...cheaper!!)

Anyhoos, here're a couple pics from Aidan and Kienan's time together...and their favourite Buzz Lightyear (they each have one, with their names under Buzz's "spaceboot", just like in the movie!)

 

Kienan's favourite pose - sticking his tongue out

I can't believe how our kids are now friends. Charmaine, Kev and I have known each other since WE were Kienan and Aidan's age (maybe a bit older...5 years?) in GMC Sunday School (I met EG much later, although Kev and EG met in Sunday School about age 5 too.) Now it's our kids' turns!

It's amazing isn't it, the journey of friendship? I'm just so grateful for the history and moments we've shared through the years, and look forward to more to come! From holidays to Desaru and Malacca that Maine's and my parents brought us on when we were little, to the Penang church camp that the four of us really bonded (four friends becoming two couples eventually!!), to now our 2 kids being friends...even though we're separated by seas. It just really shows how God's hand is really upon all our lives.

 L-R: Random person, Cheryl, Tessa, Joanna, Uncle Lawrence, Me, Charmaine

Jokes aside

Aidan's been learning to tell knock knock jokes lately, and I could only supply the couple that I vaguely remember. For example:

Me: KNOCK KNOCK!
Aidan: Who's there?
Me: Lettuce!
Aidan: Lettuce who??
Me: Lettuce in, it's cold outside!

Then it's his turn to tell one.

Aidan: KNOCK KNOCK!
Me: Who's there?
Aidan: TRUCK!!
Me: (ooh, that's so cute!) Truck who??
Aidan: TRUCK IN, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!!!

Hmm...methinks he's yet to get the hang of it...