Hope?

Today's been particularly hard morning... mostly 'coz my poor bubba's got a cold and was up at 2am, 2.45am, 3am, 3.30am, 6am, 6.50am.

Poor thing. And poor me!

Later that morning the lady from the hospital conducting the long-term study on women's experience at the Royal Women's Hospital and childbirth and parenting, of which I'm participating in, rang with the usual questions. Although I didn't score high enough to warrant a recommendation to see someone for depression, she could tell I was having a hard time. She ended off saying I should ring my maternal & child health nurse, and also that she's had 3 kids, and though it was hard to do control crying at first and she hated it, it made all the difference in the long run when it worked.

I think it was the last statement that did me in - it sounded hopeful.

I'm so tired of hoping!!

I'm so tired of resurrecting faith each day, hanging out there on a limb, wondering what it is that I'm doing wrong or differently that prevents me from achieving the same results as others who've gone the same way. When Paul talks of pressing on in faith, I wonder if he meant motherhood.

It's tiring to believe everyday, but it makes the Christian walk and its perils clearer to me. Suddenly the Psalms make deeper sense.

Here's what I'm grateful for though:
1. He's not terminally ill...or that sick for that matter. Just a touch of the sniffles. Imagine having to constantly shuffle your child to and fro between home and hospital, and the waits and queues and praying he'll recover. Thank God for his health!

2. My mum, who's been a support over the phone. E-Gene, who's been a constant source of strength.

3. Aidan's still got his cheerful disposition, and eats well.

Tomorrow is a new day.