Warning: Expletives involved

There's a hilarious "children's" book that's topping the bestseller lists and it's called "Go the F___ to sleep". Now Noni Hazelhurst (an Australian actress who hosted Playschool for like 23 years) has done a video reading for it, and it's pretty damn funny.

You can read the article here.

I can totally relate to the book - I'm sure every parent can! Even now, with Aidan turning four in a couple of months, I STILL had to spend a good 45 minutes last night returning him back to bed in the middle of the night (2.45 - 3.30am, to be precise). Usually I'd just hug him to sleep because I'm just too darn lazy to return him back to bed, but he's going off night nappies soon, and the thought of being actually soaked while dreaming of cruising down the Nile is just too much to bear. That, and having to keep rewashing my sheets.

And then he was back again at 5.30am; this time since EG was already awake to get to work, he brought A back to the room on my behalf. Not that I was asleep anyways, since returning to bed at 3.30am I couldn't get back to sleep properly with my sleep cycle completely disrupted. And I really do think that with bad sleep, your body just can't deal with stress and physical labour (like standing for five straight hours in the kitchen baking & decorating - not back-breaking work, but tiring nonetheless). Hence your immune system is down, and you fall sick, sick, sick.

Throw in the cold weather and germs swarming around us, it really does bring out the inner hypochondriac in me! A's caught conjunctivitis, I'm still having a slight cold, and I'd only just recovered from a viral infection a couple weeks ago. I've washed my hands countless times today; I think my skin's about to peel off.


So I can totally commiserate with parents who, on top of sleep deprivation and their usual work, end their day having to negotiate with a four-year-old as uncompromising as Gaddafi.

While I do spend about a good 20-30 minutes putting Aidan to bed - teeth-brushing, book-reading, and the "three things" (GAWD the "three things", they take too long, why and how did ever we start this routine?!) which are Prayer, Songs, and "Pat-pat 20 times Mum!", I don't need to beg, cajole, bribe or threaten (no...that only happens during  daytime activities, like packing his toys, or getting off the computer - the computer! Aren't we suppose to nag them about the computer only when they reach 13???!!)

Many parents do though, and by the time they get out of the room, there's barely any energy left for quality time between spouses. You flop onto the couch, or into bed, breathe a sigh of relief, and you're out for the count.

That's why EVERY parent needs a book like this:

Just to blow off some steam!

Back to reality

Things since returning back to Melbourne have taken a toll for the worst.

Let me explain.

Before we left for Singapore, Aidan had his cot, he slept on his own, and though he may occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, he'd generally pop back to sleep after a little resettling, or if I'm too tired, I'd bring him into bed with me.

However, being pampered as such in Singapore, he got to STAY UP LATE (til 1am once!) when he had sleep-overs at my parent's. And he got cuddled and squished and patted to bed. He was literally LOVED to sleep.

But now that we're back and he's been promoted to his Big Boy Bed (Dada surprised us both with an ebay purchase), he can't/doesn't want to sleep on his own, he needs me to sleep with him, he needs the hall light on, he needs the door open, he needs he needs he needs! Sometimes I find myself squished diagonally in bed with him at 3am in the morning! (The other night, he rolled over and actually FELL OFF THE BED!! His only words were, "Mum! Where's my pillow?!")

Needless to say, I'm a grumpy mummy.

I'm hoping he'll adjust soon, it's been a week, but there seem to be some positive improvements. It's just that all the whining and negotiations we have before I can actually leave his room is really annoying!!


On another note, his toilet training seems to be taking a back seat with all these huge adjustments in his life right now (back from hols, new bed etc.) I've ordered a toilet training pack from the internet out of desperation, and I'm hoping it'll teach me how to properly train him!

*Fingers crossed!*

UPDATE: He went down for a nap on his own this arvo! WOOHOOO!!! Could be we spend quite a  bit of time together this morning playing and reading. Whatever it is, hope it continues!

Communication

He said a full proper sentence the other day, albeit a short one.

"I want to stay home."

There you have it folks, subject and predicate! Pronouns, preposition, subject, object, the whole shebang!

I was pretty proud, even though I still had to convince him that no, Mama had to run errands and go to school too, and that he'll have fun in school playing with Mia and Genevieve and Oscar and all his friends in the sandpit.

Poor bubba, what a pout. But he lightened up.

We've been having quirky moments lately with his use of the English language (vagaries with his use of Mandarin and Hokkien abound as well). Like last night, as EG recalled (I have a vague memory of it), he woke up in the middle of the night (sleeping in a cot our room while we have guests sleeping in his), and said loudly, "Mama! What you do-een?", to which I'd apparently grumpily replied, "I'm sleeping!"

And this morning, when we finally woke up, and played our "let's hide under the blanket" game, he shouted very VERY loudly, "Anybody in-SIIIde??", over and over until Wendy shouted back "Hi Aidan!!" which left him very surprised!

So he shouted again, "Any, out there?" (I'd corrected him and said that's what he should've said, since WE were IN the room)

No reply then. But we went downstairs, and Wendy relayed her amusement at having gone down earlier to check her email only to hear such an unlikely call coming from above!

Dramas

Oh I forgot to add in my previous post, he did the cutest thing the other day. Y'know how he's been saying "more" when it comes to food - quite vehemently I might add - especially when he wants our food? The other day he shuttled back and forth between his dad and me on the couch, asking for noodles! We were eating dinner in front of the telly, and he'd go up to EG say "more", then when EG gave him a noodle strand from his chopsticks, he'd tip his head back, as far as he could, and bite the noodle. And 'coz he hasn't learned how to slurp yet he'd press his lips together to inch the noodle into his mouth. Think of a mama bird feeding her chickies worms - yup! Then he'd move down the couch towards me, and repeat the same thing all over again. Too cute!!

Cuteness aside, the past couple of weeks he's been waking in the middle of the night again, and won't sleep on his own after I've calmed him down. It happened again last night, he was screaming and crying and the only way we could all get some sleep was for me to cuddle him to sleep. Yup, another night on the futon in his room. Sigh. I really wonder what it is - hunger? Separation anxiety? Teething woes? Whatever the reason, I hope it resolves soon. It's hard enough for EG to rest as it is, with his long days at work, let alone with a wailing baby waking you in the middle of the night!

Mummmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........

There's just something about a child's infernal whining that can make any sane person climb a wall, smash a plate, or gnaw their eyes out with their dentures. And that particular whining, friends, happens to belong to my almost-10 month old whenever he's down with a cold.

It's grating, and has the capacity to suck the life-force out of you the way ah peks at Tiong Bahru market suck the marrow from bones. It builds from a small whimper to a crescendo, culminating in a full-blown wail. WAIL if you don't pick him up on time. WAIL if you put him back in the cot before he's fully asleep. WAIL if you remove him from harm's way. WAIL if you remove the piece of paper he's slowly mulching in his mouth, making its way to his digestive tract.

But oh joy when he's recovered, and the twinkle returns to his eye! Now I just need to retrain him in the art of resettling himself to sleep, and maybe, just maybe, I can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep!


PS. Will post the pics from our weekend away to Queenscliff soon.