But it's really something I wish I had for myself, especially 10 months ago when Aidan was born (and this morning when he was being fussy at 5.30am! I ended up only having 4 hours of sleep, tearfully sms-ing my mum at 8am, and talking to her at 8.30am --> 6.30am Singapore time!)
It's an amazing book with REAL expectations and encouragements. The author, Karen Miles is "an expert on the impact of motherhood on women's identity and career" (according to her website). She also writes in her blog on the impact motherhood has on a woman's identity. Interesting stuff.
It's a topic we touched upon at Hitched (our couples cell-group) today, how mums are often judged harshly, regardless of whether they choose the life of quiet (in our case, NOISY) domesticity, or the corporate spectra. To wit, allow me to quote Ms. Miles:
"Stay-at-home mums are not 'lucky', 'lacking in ambition' or 'on holidays'. Equally, mums who work are not 'heartless' or 'selfish'. Be careful not to judge other mothers and their kids. Especially at the supermarket. Don't compare your baby with others. No one wins the game of one-up-womanship. Aren't we all just doing the best we can..."
Lovely sentiment. I also resonated with
"The bigger your life was before having a baby, the harder the adjustment will be. Go easy on yourself."
I fear the night coming
And perhaps my favourite:
"Stop trying to 'get it right'. STOP."
Hmm. I might just keep the book for myself... ;-)
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4 comments:
Hmmmm!
I'm not even a parent, and even I feel like reading that book! Isn't it dreadful how we attach labels on other women, whether they be mothers or no, stay-at-home or boardroom bitches, home-schoolers or those who choose to stick with the public educational system...
I had a small panic attack today at lunch, because I felt suddenly inadequate as an adult women because I'm still not feeling clucky. I also felt completely overwhelmed about the potential loss of my identity once I become a mother. I'm still not ready, but most of my married peers are now mothers.
It's a different part of the see-saw I'm sitting on from you, but the labels and expectations are still alive and well. Especially those emanating loudly from my own brain and heart.
I think the worst enemies we have sometimes are our own good selves.
hey velle!
Yes labels and categorisations can really miss the point! Polarity for polarity's sake sometimes...
It's definitely a huge huge change, so i don't expect it'll be a decision you'll make lightly (duh!) But when/if you do, i'll be there to share the ups and downs with you ;-) (if you'll have me of course)
i like this - the author has some great insights on mums. recently some lady wrote to the Straits Times forum page saying that SAHMS lead "less hectic" lives than working mums. She obviously got slammed big time - there was major backlash and a flurry of letters from indignant SAHMS!
Yeah, I'd be one of the indignant SAHMs!
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